Elliot: I’m just saying it’s apples and oranges. Listen, I maintain: if, if I want pizza, I go to a pizza place, if I want Thai, I go—I go to a Thai place. I mean, what is the earthly point in comparing pizza to Thai food?
Gretchen: Did I marry you? What has happened to your intelligence? This is different.
Elliot: There is no…
Gretchen: Oh, come on. Are you the man I married?
Elliot: I am the guy who wants to end this ridiculous conversation, kick off my shoes, and have a very large glass of wine.
Gretchen: Well, I am telling you, be my guest. [Typing in burglar alarm.] All right, wait, the answer is: 21.
Elliot: Nooo— [Turns on classical music, specifically Gounod’s ballet music from “Faust”.]
Gretchen: Yes, yes. Because it has history! Come on! Prohibition, “The Sweet Smell of Success”
Elliot: And Per Se has Thomas Keller. Game, set, match.
Gretchen: [inaudible, something along the lines of “The problem is it’s”] Yountville transplanted to Manhattan. It starts to feel…
Elliot: And if it were transplanted to Islamabad, I would still eat there.
Gretchen: Oh, there’s a good thought!
Elliot: What, Islamabad?
Gretchen: No, Napa. We have to go to Napa.
Elliot: Oh my God, all this talk of food. You think Juana left us anything?
Gretchen: [inaudible] she doesn’t come back until Wednesday. Unless you told her otherwise?
Elliot: No, I haven’t talked to her. Oh, look here: Pear [or pair, inaudible] perfect [inaudible] bottle of wine… Do you think we have any of those crackers with the sun-dried tomatoes… slightly peppery, too peppery.
Gretchen: We don’t have them?
Gretchen: I don’t know, ask Juana.
Elliot: I’m adamant [inaudible, “for pepper”?] I don’t know why she doesn’t get them.
Gretchen: Why don’t you talk to her?
Elliot: Oh, you know she’s got that whole thing with her daughter. Anyway, Napa?
Elliot: How long is it since we’ve been?
Gretchen: Two years. Thanksgiving. Jesus, two years.
Elliot: Yeah, too long, right?
Gretchen [opening wine]: Is this okay?
Elliot: That looks perfect. You want to get the fireplace? Is it good?
Gretchen [eating]: Mm-hmm.
Elliot: Is it ripe?
Gretchen: You know, we could invite George and Dolores. They could come up from Marin. And Bill and Miriam Cohen. We could have a little spa action. [Turns on fireplace.] And then we can do some sort of wine and then— [sees Walter, screams.]